He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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