No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
