Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
