Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
