she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
