I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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