in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
