Don't make out with my wife yet
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
