I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
