Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
