Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
