Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
