if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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