Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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