girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
