Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
