I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
