it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
