I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
