dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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