sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
