ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
