someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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