On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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