i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
