please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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