I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
