we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
