That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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