she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
