how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
