Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
