he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is the high leading the old right now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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