Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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