I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
