I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
