i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just sent this text using only my big toe
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
