MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
