I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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