I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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