So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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