i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
