Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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