I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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