The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
