i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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