We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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