I can tuck mytits in my pants
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
