Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
