so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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