i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
