both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
